Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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