I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
