She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize