im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
