I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
