I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
