Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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