Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
