Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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