I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
