Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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