You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
