her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
