bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You made out with two different species that night
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
