My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
