We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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