that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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