is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
