White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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