quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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