if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
In America we eat man semen.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
