one might say we're banned from that church
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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