where am i from again
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
