how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
