I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
