and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
