I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
