Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
