My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
