oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
