he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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