Sacagawea was the original milf.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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