I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
