remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
