Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
