Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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