No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
