I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Success! We fucked roommates!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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