you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Drunk is a universal language darling
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
