Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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