i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
two words...techno handjob
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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