i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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