that's an acceptable place to lick
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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