didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize