I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
