I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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