Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
