"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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