the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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