Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
