i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
