If i come over, it means nothing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So many bounce houses so little time
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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