My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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