That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
