fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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