last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
