If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm really busy with my period
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