Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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