he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
