every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
