I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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