I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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