Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
