On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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