just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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