I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
