I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
